All That I Had
by apollo-gize
Summary: Slightly Angst riddled fic I wrote on a whim. about Zelos' death in the Tower of Salvation, and how it is dealt with. For those who had Zelos as your soulmate but ended up killing him anyway... Zelloyd, SheeLloyd if you squint.


**Contains Zelloyd-ish ness. Sheelloyd if you squint?**

The faint crackling of a campfire was just about the only sound audible in the dark Tethe'alla night, aside from the faint breathing of about four or five people. In the diminished party, only one person was awake, alone in the darkness. The young man was sitting up, chocolate coloured hair flopping limply into his eyes, and a blood stained strip of white cloth pressed to his face. It still smelled like him. It still smelled like his betrayal, his death, and the stench of it made the teen want to vomit. But he didn't throw it away, into the flames, be done with it.

He simply couldn't. It was one of the only things he had to remember him by, aside the sardonyx he had on a chain around his neck, and of course, the memories. The memories were fading fast. It had nearly been a week, but the other's face is already dissipating from the swordsman's mind. And he hates that. He hates what the other did, why he did it. The fool. He told the brunette he could trust him! He promised everything would be alright! And he was all that Lloyd had…

And here he was, in a lonely, cold night without him. Any other night, the other would be leaning against him, asking if he needed to be kept warm, if he thought everything would go well, if he actually knew what he was doing. Regardless of the answer from the seventeen year old, he would wolfsmile and kiss him. Oh, the kisses. Whether on the cheek or on the lips or in some risqué place that the Professor would go ballistic about, there was always a kiss for him. But not tonight. Not any night following either.

The thought made Lloyd shudder. He glanced at the head band in his hand, then at the dying fire. Dark hues and an orange glow stained everything not hidden by shadows already and Lloyd covered his mouth and nose with the white strip. Oh God. Oh God.

It was just like when Zelos died.

No.

It was just like when Lloyd killed Zelos.

Lloyd bit his lip and tried not to remember…

"No! Zelos! Please, don't go…!" Lloyd yelled, panic taking over any other emotion. He was grasping Zelos' black and pink and now red stained glove in his hand, shaking his shoulder with the other. The traitorous redhead was laying the seal room, his blood spattered and smeared everywhere, and shattered crystalline feathers were sprinkled about him and Lloyd's group. He gave his friend a weak smile. "Moron… It would have ended like this anyway… Sorry, bud," Zelos muttered weakly, trying to squeeze some comfort into the latter's hand. Probably not working, judging how badly the dual swords man looked himself. "Zelos, you're not going to die!" Lloyd said shakily, looking from his dying soul mate to the Grand Healer. "Raine, please do something! Can't you save him!?" the red-clad hero cried behind him. Raine hesitated. "Lloyd, I… I know, he's important to us all, but, I'm afraid I…" "Is it because he betrayed us?! You forgave Kratos!" the brunette shot back defensively, glaring at the half-elf. "Lloyd, it's not that!" She said, half-angrily.

"Stop worrying… Bud… It's… Just what… I deserve…" Zelos said softly, cornflower blue eyes glazing over with death. "Raine, please, I'm begging you!" Lloyd cried urgency and worry making his voice crack slightly. "You can't just let him die! Use the unicorn horn, the Boltzmann's Book, anything!" Hot tears were now rolling down the swordsman's face as he pleaded with his teacher, still holding his soul mate's hand. He could feel under the glove it was cold and clammy and dying, if not already dead. Raine finally bent under her student's pressuring, and came to Zelos' side. With one hand, she inspected the wounds that their group had inflicted upon him, the other checking for a sign of life. "Damn, I'm sorry, Lloyd," She muttered, pulling her staff out to heal the traitor. White light shimmered around her rod, and after several minutes, her face fell. "…Lloyd, he's too far gone. I… I can't do anything. The only thing we can do now is…" her voice trailed off, not wanted to finish the sentence. The brunette knew what she would've said. _"…All we can do is watch him die, Lloyd. He's too far gone… I can't do anything, Lloyd. I'm so sorry… I'm so sorry." _

He hadn't heard these words escape her lips, but he knew, and he knew all too well as he watched Zelos' smile fade. Fade into nothing, as Zelos' heartbeat fluttered away with that smile. Lloyd choked on a cry that caught in his throat, and buried his face in the redhead's shoulder. The only thing he could do now was cry. Cry and regret and wish there had been something he could've done to prevent this. And after he had been peeled from his lover's body, Sheena had picked up the charms and equipment that had once belonged to Zelos, Lloyd screaming at her 'not to do that, she should know better than to steal from a fallen companion'.

During the one night stay in the Tower of Salvation, before his other friends would begin to drop off, the ninja approached the mourning swordsman. "Lloyd, please. Take this. I… I think you need it more than any of us…" She said, without looking at him, and handed him the bloody headband. Zelos' headband. Lloyd looked up at Sheena with eyes stained red with anguish. "…Thanks," he muttered, taking it, and weakly smiled at Sheena. He held it to his nose, and inhaled the fading scent of Zelos before tying it around his own forehead. "Thank you, Sheena. I'm sorry… I'm sorry…" He whispered, without looking at his friend. "Lloyd…" Sheena dropped to her knees so she could hug her friend. "I loved him too," she said sadly, staring nowhere in particular as she embraced Lloyd.

In the weeks following, as the group made their way into and out of the Torent Forest, as they prepared for their final battle, it seemed like something had left with a long with the red head. A new sobriety had settled with the rejoining of Kratos, and Lloyd felt like Zelos was leaving him, in spirit was well. So. The material possession that he couldn't bear to keep was the only physical memory he had left of the traitor. It was sickening, and Lloyd shut his eyes, brought back the headband to his face, closed his eyes, and prayed that this was a dream.

That he would wake up with Zelos next to him.

That none of that would've ever happened.

And everything would be okay.

But, Lloyd knew that it was all wishful thinking.

That he would wake to no one.

And he would fight Mithos.

And win.

And live in a New World.

Without Zelos.

And Zelos was all the he had.

**lol I FAILED.**

**I suck at writing fluff, espicially late at night. So. Forgive me. XD**

**Osaka**


End file.
